he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
