Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
