I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
