it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i came on her dog
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
