Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
