its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
