dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
