When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
