i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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