Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
