How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
