I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
