The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
