Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize