my mouth tastes like poor choices
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
