Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
where are my eyebrows?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
