what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
