WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
