I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
