Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
