I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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