My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
