did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
