I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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