I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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