Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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