Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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