that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize