Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
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