My girlfriend figured out who you are.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
