Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So vagazzling was a success
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
