she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
