And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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