i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
