Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
