forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
