You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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