Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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