Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
