You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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