Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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