I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
