You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
