So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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