I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
