Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
