My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
