bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
