oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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