i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize