Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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