really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
