I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
