why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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