the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize