he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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