i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
