I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
