i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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