I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
