After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
