My nipple is on Facebook.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize