Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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