Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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