If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
