So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
