no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
