I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
