this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
