so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
