i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
