lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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