I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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